I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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