Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize