Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize