I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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