He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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