I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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