i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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