I haven't been this sober since birth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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