My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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