How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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