He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
not ubering you a puppy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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