I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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