Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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