I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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