Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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