she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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