At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize