i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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