Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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