ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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