Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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