And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
