I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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