You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Randomize