if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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