I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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