when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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