its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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