I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize