seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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