Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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