As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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