Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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