she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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