Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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