Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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