Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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