I wish my penis had an off switch
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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