Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize