she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize