if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need to align my fucking chakras
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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