You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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