too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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