it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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