i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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