I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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