The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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