She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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