Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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