Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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